Message from the Pastoral Care and Eldership Team (PaCET) for Sunday Meeting 18th June 2023

Dear Friends,

Listening

According to the section in the Hebrew Bible known as I Kings (chapter 3), soon after Solomon became king he had a dream during which God appeared to him, asking the question ‘what shall I give you?’ Instead of asking for a long life, Solomon answered, ‘I am here in the midst of thy people, the people of thy choice, too many to be numbered or counted. Give thy servant, therefore, a heart with skill to listen, so that he may govern thy people justly and distinguish good from evil…’

Wise rulers do listen to what is being said and what they hear sometimes makes a difference to their policies. In our more or less democratic world – whether in religion or politics – people win votes by listening to the voters. But do we, in religion, listen to each other? 

QF&P chapter 12 has two very interesting phrases in the introduction: ‘We cannot be aware of each other’s needs unless we know each other …’ And a little later on: ‘Careful listening is fundamental to helping each other: it goes beyond finding out about needs and becomes part of meeting them’. I would suggest that even the most gifted listeners may have to work at this, as it requires a certain discipline to keep one’s mind free of other issues and give full attention to someone.

There are people around who have never been listened to very much, and they can sometimes be very demanding if, as a result, they go on and on about something they need to air. At the other end of the scale are those who, having not been listened to in the past, give up on trying to make themselves heard, just at the time when they may indeed need to articulate some concern.

Listening with full attention is a great gift which we can give to others as individuals and in our Meeting, or any other group to which we belong. Listening to someone doesn’t mean one has to solve their problems or tell them what to do. It may be that one can offer something constructive, but often helping the person to make their own appropriate decisions is usually the best way. Meanwhile, let’s not forget, there are joys and happy stories to listen to as well, and we need to keep well-tuned to anyone who may wish to share their joyful heart with us.

This seems to me the sort of listening Friends should expect from attendance at a pastoral circle.

Caroline Pybus


On behalf of the Pastoral Care and Eldership Team (David Hitchin, Chris Lawson, Tim Pitt-Payne, Caroline Pybus, Theresa Samms, Nancy Wall)